Pain of the Past
by btalover
Summary: Yumichika has had a hard life, facing abuse through his child hood, and low self confidence that he has to cover up with his conceited act. Takes place in the present time as he faces his past and tries to learn to accept himself. Cutting, Abuse, cursing
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so this is my first story. Latley I have really been into angst. Specificly Byakuya and Yumichika. This one is about Yumichika. If you have had trouble with the things Yumichika has gone through in this story, you might not want to read. Its not really graphic, or at least I think it wont be...Anyways, I own nothing, it all belongs to Tite Kubo! **

"_Yumichika" came the call that echoed down the rickety shacks small hall, down to the room that the young boy Yumichika called his bedroom. Yumichika felt his eyes widen in fear as the call from the man that was known as his father entered his small, delicate ears. It was after midnight and the 12 year old knew what the man would only miss sleep for at such an early hour. _

_His large, violet eyes quickly shot to the window as he debated in his mind whether to make a run for it or not. His mind reasoned, if he got out know he would miss what his father had planned for him. When he would get back in the morning he was positive he would get a beating, but that was nothing different from usual, and it would keep that monster from assaulting him. With his decision made, Yumichika threw his grungy, hole filled blanket off of him and clumsily ran towards the window that was on the far left side of his small room. He spent a few precious seconds trying to get his pathetic excuse for a window open so he could climb out. He got it to budge. Finally it started reluctantly sliding up. He had one slender leg out the window when he felt a large, sweaty hand grab his leg. _

_He let out a painful gasp as his father pulled it and sent him sprawling onto the grimy floor. He saw his father shut and bolt the window, cutting off his only chance for escape. Yumichika started backing away while still on the floor as his father stalked toward him, a lustful look in he dark beady eyes. "F-father…I…Please, d-don't!" he whimpered out, but it was no use. His father grabbed a fistful of his matted dark blackish purple hair and dragged him over to his bed, the young boy fighting helplessly the whole way. _

_The man threw him on the bed an demanded "Take off your clothes" his eyes narrowed when he saw Yumichika making no such movements "NOW" Yumichika shook his head and his father slapped him harshly on the cheek. This was the usual routine when this happened, which was every few nights, when his father had spent all their money on sake and couldn't afford a prostitute. _

_Yumichika still refused and earned a punch in the gut, then his father forcefully removed the boys clothes himself. Yumichika felt tears that had been welling up in his eyes fall, then felt them fall harder when the man removed his own clothes. The older man lay himself over Yumichika body and pinned him down with one hand grasping both of the child's wrist's and his own legs pinning the child's legs down. He trailed kisses down Yumichika neck and torso, leaving small bite marks over the small scarred body. Yumichika's squirming got the man even more aroused as he flipped the boy over and licked down his back. The man then brutally forced himself inside of Yumichika. Yumichika let out a scream and his father let out a moan as he thrust in and out of the boy, feeling the tightness around his member. "AGHHHHH" Yumichika screamed in pain as the man continued. He felt the grip on his shoulders tighten and he felt like he was being shaken, he heard a faint voice call his name, becoming louder as the his vision blurred into a new scene._

"W-what?" Yumichika screamed as he looked around wildly, soon recognizing his bedroom at the 11th division's barracks and the shaking was from Ikkaku. He looked up at his best friend, fear in his eyes as tears streamed down, but Ikkaku saw relief too. "Man, what were you screaming about? You scared the shit outta' me!…are you crying?" Ikkaku asked with worried eyes.

Yumichika sat up and wet his dry lips and whispered hoarsely, "j-just a bad dream…I-it was just a dream" he seemed to be assuring himself more than explaining to Ikkaku. "Well, are ya' gonna' be okay?"

"Heh, yeah," he paused and sniffled while Ikkaku stared at him. Then, gradually, the normal look returned to his eyes and the tears slowly stopped. "Are you going to stay there all night? I need to get sleep, otherwise I wont look beautiful." he said while flicking his short hair, giving his friend a stubborn, watery glance. Ikkaku rolled his eyes, he still saw something deep in his friends eyes, but decided not to push it. "Fine, sorry yumi-hime!" Ikkaku said sarcastically and narrowly avoided being hit in the face by a pillow. "Get some sleep" Ikkaku said, once again serious, his obvious concern leaking out. Yumichika gave him a small smile, he knew Ikkaku was worried about him. He had been screaming in his sleep a lot lately, and had been drifting off into thought and getting distracted often when he should be paying attention to things. "I will, thank you Ikkaku" Ikkaku just snorted and left with a wave of his hand.

When He heard the door shut, Yumichika got out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen and made himself a cup of tea. He sat on the couch in his small, but beautifully furnished living room. Pulling the throw around him, he thought pack to the dream of his child hood memory. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a sip of tea, trying to calm down. The dreams kept assaulting him lately, and he couldn't figure out why. His best guess was that the anniversary of his mothers death was approaching, and after his mothers death was when his father started abusing him. He bit his lip and opened his eyes, only to stare dejectedly into his tea cup. He was going to have to act peppy and keep up his conceited act, even though he didn't want to, just to make sure Ikkaku and the others wouldn't worry about him. Letting out a bitter laugh he thought of how he had friends now, people who DID care about him. He knew if he told them of his past, and how they were effecting his dreams, they might be able to help him. '_Or, they could be completely and thoroughly disgusted with your pathetic excuse for a self_' a voice in his head replied to his thoughts. He snorted '_heh, why would I even think of telling them, I am so ashamed of my past, and they would be disgusted with me anyway. They probably would think me some sort of worthless piece of crap'_ he agreed with the voice in his head. He set his cup down and headed to the restroom. Opening his medicine cabinet, he pulled out his source of comfort, a razor blade. He slowly drug it across the pale skin of his wrist that was littered with scars, some fresh, some old. He had taken to doing this since he was a teenager, always wearing a wristband to cover them so no one would see. That was the real reason he always wore that orange sleeve on his arm. In was not for the reason he told every one else, that he thought it looked fashionable and made him even more beautiful than he already was. '_tch, I have a pretty face, but I am not beautiful, I am a worthless piece of trash!'_ he slashed harshly at his arm and stared, fascinated at the blood flowing from the cuts. He let a small smile grace his beautiful face as numbness settled through his body and mind. Slowly, he felt his consciousness ebb away and blackness closed around him as he passed out with a smile on his face, knowing he would have to deal with tomorrow made him want to revel in the feeling of nothingness as long as he could. He let out a content sigh as his body made contact with the floor.

**Okay, so I am debating whether to add romance into this story, and if so, who should be his romantic intersest. I am NOT into yaoi and all that, and no offense to those who do like it, but there will be no yumi x ikkaku. So please review and tell me whether you want him to have a romantic interest and who it should be. AUUGHH, poor yumi, he is so cuuute! **

**BTAlover :)**

**...You know, the sad thing is, I totally forgot what my screen name stands for...I know it has something to do with Bleach...**


	2. Chapter 2

**I AM SO SORRRRY! I know i sent messeges saying I would post this chapter early this morning, but my mom said I had been on the interwebz too long, so she cut me off. Then I slept till six in the evening and after that had to go to church! Well, once again I am sorry! But please enjoy!**

'BAM BAM BAM.' Yumichika let out a groan. 'BAM BAM BAM.' He growled, what the HELL was waking him from his precious darkness? "Yumichika, are you up yet? C'mon, we are gonna' be late" Ikkaku's gruff, yet muffled voice shouted through the door to Yumichika's home. "SHIT!" Yumichika shouted as he sat up, feeling dizzy as he did so. He heard his friend laughing out side. "Careful yumi, that is a very 'unbeautiful' thing to say!" he chuckled out as he mimicked his friends choice of words. Yumichika let a grim smile fall on his face, then jumped up and nearly fell. "sigh" he steadied himself then yelled, "Hey, Ikkaku, go on with out me, I'll meet you at work when I am ready!"

After hearing Ikkaku's grunt of agreement he set about getting ready for his day. First, gently washing the blood of his arm and the floor, then bandaging it up. He then went about his morning routine, of brushing his teeth, washing his face, brushing his hair, and putting his clothes on. A little grin settled on his face when he put the colorful feathers on his brow. They were one thing he liked about the pretty act, they made him feel unique, and he thought they were beautiful himself. He sat with a slice of toast with grape jam slathered on it and started eating quickly, washing it down with a cold cup of milk. Rushing to the door, he grabbed the sleeve he always wore and gently slipped it on his arm over the bandages that had very faint red coloring already seeping through, _'hmm, guess I was a little rough on my arm last night…'_. He then attached the sleeve to the scarf around his neck, grabbed his sword and put on a cheery face, then took off for the office.

"Feather face!" was the first thing Yumichika heard as he entered the office. Looking over to the side, he saw the short, pink headed lieutenant bouncing over to him. "Good morning, Kusajishi fuku-taichou. Beautiful day, is it not?" he greeting and flicked his dark silky hair behind his ear. "Yep, it is, perfect day to play!" she giggled, causing Yumichika to smile. He always had liked the lieutenant. Though she annoyed most, he found her joyful and care free attitude refreshing. She made him know that not all children had to suffer. "Well, then why don't you go and play!" he said smiling and handing her a lollipop. Her eyes widened and the lollipop was gone, and the small girl out the door with a "thank you feather face!" echoing behind her.

Yumichika was sitting at his neat and organized desk, filling out paperwork and humming a little tune to himself when he heard the door to the office open. Looking up, he saw Ikkaku and Zaraki taichou walking in with Yachiru perched on his back. "Well, look who's up!" Ikkaku crowed and Kenpachi just nodded at him and lumbered over to his own desk. "Of course I am up, it is a most unbeautiful thing to miss work!" he said, raising his nose into the air. "Well, you were late this morning, but I guess that's understandable after having that night mare and waking me up last night." Ikkaku mused. Yumichika winced when Ikkaku said that and noticed his taichou and fuku-taichou look at him. "Did feather face have a bad dream last night?" Yachiru asked sympathetically. He was about to answer and tell her it was nothing when Ikkaku went and opened his big mouth again. "Yeah he did, woke up our whole barracks floor with his screaming."

Zaraki raised an eyebrow, and Yachiru's face scrunched up. "What was your dream about yumi-chan?" the little girl asked concerned. Everyone looked at him curiously. He froze, sweat forming on his brow, eyes widening and he paled considerably. "O-o-oh, n-nothing, just a…silly dream" he replied and chuckled awkwardly. "Well, by your response it doesn't seem to be nothing, or a silly dream." Zaraki stated feigning non interest, when actually curious about Yumichika's behavior. Yumichika was starting to have trouble breathing, little gasps coming from his mouth as sweat trickled down his brow. His dream was started coming back to him. "Yumi, are you okay?" Ikkaku asked, an unusual concerned frown forming on his face as he placed his hand on the other mans lightly trembling shoulders, and was shocked when the other man slapped his hands away and yelled "D-DON'T TOUCH M-ME!" and stood up and shot to the door, franticly slamming it open and taking off. Everyone stared in shock and confusion as they watched the man run down the hall and then disappearing from sight. "What the HELL?" Kenpachi said while Ikkaku and Yachiru stared in silence.

Yumichika ran to his barracks and tried to unlock the door, failing twice before he was able to open it. He then shut it quickly and locked it and ran and sat in a corner like he would do as a child. He let the hot tears fall, and silently cursed himself for being weak and acting like that in front of every body, ESPECIALLY his taichou. "DAMMIT!" he cursed loudly. He pulled himself up and trudged to the bathroom. Reaching into the medicine cabinet, he once again pulled out his blade. Sitting on the floor, he stared at it, staring at the shine it made with the lights shining on it. He frowned, then angrily brought it to his arm and dug it deep into it and dragged it down. He let out a hiss of pain, but then did it again, and again. Each time the pain shot through him he let out a whimper, but enjoyed the feeling of the pain until the numbness washed over him. Heavily leaning against the wall, his eyes filled with tears as he zoned out, another memory coming to plague his fragile mind…

"_DAMMIT BOY! CANT YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?" his father shouted as he slapped Yumichika's already bruised face. "Father! I-" his father cut him off with a hard kick to the gut. "ALL I ASKED FOR WAS FOR YOU TO COOK FOOD FOR ME! AND WHAT DO YOU MAKE? YOU MAKE THIS SHIT! THIS. IS. NOT. FOOD!" Yumichika whimpered and bit his bleeding lip to keep from screaming when his father pulled him up by his hair. "Father, it was all we had…w-we cant afford enough food to make a proper meal, I-I had to use what was available!" the child said with wide eyes that reflected his fathers fist coming speedily towards his scrunched up face. He let out a cry as it came into contact. "Well, MAYBE if you worked HARDER we wouldn't BE in this predicament! You barely earn enough money to buy me my sake! WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER THINK!" he bellowed. Yumichika felt his chest constrict. His mother. She had died when he was 5. After she died, his father became a drunk and stopped going to work and was soon fired. He started taking his rage out on his child, and forced his 5 year old to get a job so that they could keep their lives running, no matter how pitiful their lives were. His mother had been a kind, gentle woman, and she was where Yumichika got his looks from. She had gotten sick, acquired a deadly disease that quickly took her life, leaving her son with the man that she had married. Yumichika barely remembered her, but he at least remembered her love for him, and that was all he needed. He was brought out of his thought when his father shook him roughly. "You are PATHETIC! I don't know why I keep you around! I can truly only think of one reason." His fathers voice got low, and husky. "And now I will make use of your whining, sniveling self. You should appreciate this, your lucky I even spare you a glance. The monster then forcefully, and painfully took Yumichika on the kitchen floor, Yumichika begging him to stop the whole time, but he never did. He didn't even pause_.

Yumichika felt himself jump, and it snapped out of the daze he had been in. He looked at his arm and lightly touched the blood flowing from it. It was hot, sticky, wet, and messy. His finger dug slightly into one of the slashes on his arm and he winced. Grabbing a towel and wiping his arm, he started quickly cleaning his arm and the floor for the second time that day, he bandaged his arm just as quickly and slipped his sleeve back on. He had to calm down and act normal. After that little episode, he had a feeling some one would come after him in a bit to make sure he was okay. "Psh, am I okay? If they saw me right now, I am pretty sure they would know, that I am not in fact, fucking okay!"

Resting his head on the wall, he took some deep breaths, rotated his soar shoulders, and walked out of the bathroom. Sitting on the couch he thought deeply about what he could say to explain his behavior earlier.

5 minutes later there was a knock at the door. His head snapped up, hair swishing as he did so, and trudged to the door. The knock came again right as he got to the door. He put on a calm face, knowing it would seem to odd if he was cheery and happy after acting like that. Opening the door, he was faced with a very upset looking Yachiru, and a very confused, yet worried face of Ikkaku. "Yumi-chan? Are you okay?" Yachiru asked, her eyes large and disturbed. "Yeah, what the HELL was that all about?" his best friend exclaimed loudly. "Oh, I just was in an ugly mood. You know I don't like people prying, its quite rude." he stated. He knew it was a weak excuse, but its all he could come up with in five minutes. Ikkaku did not look convinced. "Yumi, I-" Ikkaku was cut off by Yachiru. "Feather face, if you have a problem, you know you can talk to us, we care about you."

For once, Ikkaku didn't say anything about how unmanly that sounded, he just stood there, with inquisitive eyes at his friend. "Yumichika gave a smile, I am fine. But I think I will take a nap. Thanks for stopping by to see if I was okay…I appreciate it. Bye." and with that he quickly shut the door before either could protest, and he knew he was closing off his heart just as much as he was closing the door.

**Thanks for reading, now, if you liked it, please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**OMYGOODNESS! IAM SO SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED IN A WHILE! I have had lotsa' crap going on...so yeah...**

**ANYWAYS! please enjoy this chapter. Its not really angsty in this one, and its kinda crap-ish...SORRY! Oh yeah, also, introducing an OC!**

Yumichika slept fitfully through the afternoon all the way to night instead of just taking a nap. He woke up still tired, and stressed. He started getting dressed for work, when he realized it was the weekend. He had two days off. Two long, depressing days off that he knew would be full of painful thoughts and memories. Sighing, he dressed in a casual, dark blue kimono that had small gold stripes at the bottom of it that faded into nothingness as they went up. Next, he slipped his scarf and sleeve on, once again put his feathers on his brow, then trudged wearily out the door.

He was intent on taking a walk around the Seireitei to calm himself and relax, but nothing ever went his way. He realized this as he stepped out of the barracks and saw Rangiku, Kira, Renji, Hisagi, Ikkaku, and Iba standing at the entrance, obviously waiting for him once they saw him. Throwing on a cheery smile, he pranced over to them "Hello, my good people! Doesn't every one look gorgeous today!" he sang out, wincing on the inside at how gay that sounded, but, that was how he usually acted. "Good morning Yumi! Why, Don't you look stunning!" Rangiku replied, walking over and giving him her usual hug. He lightly patted her back and leaned back and shook his hair, beautifully, of course. And started looking at his nails. "So, we were thinking about heading out early to start drinking!" Rangiku cheered, jumping up and down in the air, her chest going right along with her. Every one sweat dropped.

"The 79th district?" came Iba's deep, confused voice.

"Yeah, it may be a crappy district, but it has a great bar with some of the best sake available!" Rangiku said, a sparkle in her eyes.

"T-the 79th district?" Yumichika repeated, eyes wide and shocked. In other words his childhood home. "Yeah, oh come on Yumi!" Renji said, slapping the shorter mans back. "I know its an 'ugly' district, but I have heard of this place, its really good!" his face held a excited look. "You know, I think I am going to skip out on this one…" Yumichika said, backing away. "OH NO YA DON'T!" Ikkaku shouted, and dragged him along with them to the bar.

"Wow, this place is actually…nice-ish!" Hisagi murmured, a look of utter surprise on his scarred face. They went over to the bar and seated themselves, waving the bartender their way. Yumichika kept his head down, afraid someone might recognize him, which wasn't as shocking as you would think, he has a very memorable face. A few hours later they had gone through bottles, and bottles of sake and every one was drunk, well, every one except Yumichika, he was still sipping nervously on his first drink. He was highly on edge, having noticed that a man sitting a few seats away at the bar had been watching him, also having recognized the man as one of his fathers old friends.

"Shit!" he whispered when he noticed the man getting up and heading his way. "What's wrong Yumi?" Rangiku asked when she heard him. Everyone in his group turned their heads and looked at their frazzled friend. "I-I think I am going to go to the restroom!" Was his quick remark as he started sliding off the bar stool, but he was to late. The man was already there. "Hey!" He called out, Yumichika started trying to walk away, only to have a heavy hand land on his shoulder and turn him around. Keeping his head down he answered, "Uhm, I have to go." And tried to walk away again, and failing once again. '_FUCK! What am I going to do!' _He thought as the man began to speak. "You look familiar, boy, what's your name?"

"Uhhhhhh…"

"His names Yumichika!" Ikkaku blurted out, drunk, but still sober enough to wonder what was going on.

"Yumichika…Yumichika Ayasegawa?" the man said loudly, a smirk forming on his hideous face. "Your Hasako's boy, ain't ya'?" Yumichika reluctantly nodded his head while looking away. "It's bout time you came home! Your old man misses ya!" was the snickering reply he got. "This is where you are from?" came his friends unbelieving cry.

"Uh…yeah…" he mutterer, feeling his face heat up. "Yumi! I never would have guessed!" Rangiku said, her gorgeous face full of shock. Yumichika was about to reply, when he was cut off by the man. "Yumi? Hahaha, are you gay, boy?" he asked while laughing loudly. "I am not gay Myoshi, it is just a nickname" he sighed as he started heading for the door. Every one at the table looked slightly shocked, they had always thought that Yumichika was gay! "Who d'you think ya are, calling me by my first name ya' brat?" The man, now known as Myoshi, said with a sneer on his hideous, ugly face. "Hey ya' old-" Ikkaku started angrily, but was cut off by a feminine voice, that had an angered tone to it, "Myoshi, back the hell off!" Every one swung around, and as Yumichika did, his eyes widened at what they saw. There was an average height woman, she had long lavender hair that was straight, and curled at the ends, and had Side swept bangs. Her eyes were a bright silver that were surrounded by thick dark lashes. Her lips were a rosy red and she had pale, creamy skin and a slender, well filled out body. Over all, she was beautiful.

"Well, look who it is! Lil' ol' yuma-chan!" Myoshi chuckled out, with a lustful look in his two green eyes. "Back off you old geezer!" she said to him, her silver eyes narrowing into slits. "Now, girly, don't be makin' sucha' face like that, its unbecoming to ya'." He said as he started prowling over to the woman. "I said back off, or do you want me to kick your ass like I did last time?" she ground out. He slowed his steps. "You don't even have your sword with ya'." he said, a cautious look on his face. There was a *shing* sound as she skillfully pulled her blade from its sheath that was on her hip, it had been hidden by the angle she was standing, and assumed a skilled form. "Oh, don't I?" she smirked. He took a step. "You wouldn't dare. What would your daddy think, little girl?" he said mockingly, only to have a sword at his throat before he could blink. "I don't give a damn about what that man thinks!" she snarled, as the man started backing towards the door. "You little whore!" he yelled, wiping the thin trail of blood off his neck where she had made a delibrite, shallow slice in it, as he stepped out of the building. "Just you wait!" were the words echoing in the air, and he was gone.

A-ayuma?" Yumichika said, shock obvious on his face. "Yumichika!" she cried and ran to him, throwing he slender arms around his neck. "Yumi-kun! I cant believe you're here, I-I thought you were never coming back!" she said, sniffling, tears welling in her eyes. "Yuma-chan…I-I…I cant believe its you! W-what are you still doing here!" he asked, wrapping his arms around her. "I, well I never got enough money to leave this place…I left home and made a home for myself…out at the clearing that we used to always go to…" she mumbled, trailing off at the end. He was about to reply when Ikkaku interrupted. "Yumi, who is this lady?" his face was filled with confusion. "Well, this woman right here is my childhood best friend, Ayuma Kawata.

**PLEASE REVIEW! BTW AYUMA IS YUMIS LOVE INTERSET**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, so sorry that I havent updated in a while. Any ways...I got nothin' to say, so...please read and review! (lotsa cursing!)**

"She's so pretty!" Rangiku stated, a friendly smile on her face as she gave an acknowledging nod towards the woman. "She has a sword!" Ikkaku said, his eyebrows raised. "She knows how to use it!" chuckled Renji as he recalled her being able to lightly slice the mans throat without causing him any serious harm.

"Yuma-chan, These are my friends, Rangiku Matsumoto, Renji Abarai, Shuuhei Hisagi, Kira Izuru, Iba Tetsuzaemon, and Ikkaku Madarame." He said, pointing to each being as he said their name. "Hello, it is a great pleasure to meet the friends of Yumichika, as he said, my name is Ayuma Kawata." She said, and gave a polite bow, her lavender locks falling over her shoulders as she did. "Well, nice to meet you too!" Iba said, and he threw a suggestive wink at her and started chugging his sake down greedily. She made a discreet 'grossed out' face, and gave him a forced smile, of course, no one missed the face, and laughed at Iba's expense.

"So, Yumi-kun, Whatcha' Doing back in this district?" she asked in a curious tone, as she and Yumichika seated themselves back by his friends at the surprisingly clean wooden bar table. "Well, Rangiku just had to try out this bar, and Ikkaku dragged me here." Yumichika answered, giving Ikkaku a quick glare, to which the man in question simply shrugged nonchalantly. "Oh, well, I am glad he did, I know it is hard for you to come back to this place, but it is really good to see you again!" she said, giving him the soft smile she always reserved for him when they were young. "Hmm, its good to see you too." he said, giving her a soft smile back. Then a thought popped into his head as he looked at her. "Wait a damn second!" he exclaimed, smacking his forehead with his palm. "What!" Ayuma gasped as she jumped. Every one else just stared, wondering what set him off now. "Yuma-chan…you…your…uhhh, y-you're an…adult now!" he stuttered out, his arms fluttering around wildly. She raised an eyebrow, she didn't know what he was getting at. "Yeaaaah, so are you yumi-kun." she stated.

All of the sudden Rangiku started laughing and slapping Yumichika's shoulder. "Ahhahahaa! I get what your saying!" she cackled out. "Then please share" came Ayumas's amused , yet still confused response. "He's talkin' about your boobs!" she snickered. "My…boobs?" she repeated, then blushed lightly, and started laughing with Rangiku. "Why, Yumi! Aren't you the little pervert!" she laughed out. Yumichika blushed, and gently shoved her shoulder as she laughed at him. "Your right though yumi!" Rangiku said as she stopped laughing, leaning over and getting her face close to Ayumas's bust. "She does have an impressive chest! Not as big as mine, but still, very nice!" she noted, putting her finger to her chin and nodding approvingly with her eyes still on the other woman's chest. "Thanks, I water them twice a day." Ayuma said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. Every one laughed at that. "I like this girl!" was Rangiku reply to her sarcasm.

"Hey Ayuma-chan!" Rangiku gasped, her eyes widening, "Why don't you hang out with us for the rest of the day!" she suggested as she sat bouncing excitedly in her bar stool. "Hmm, I don't want to intrude…" she mumbled. "You wont be intruding, we would love to have you hang out with us!" was Hisagi's polite reply. "well, then sure, I'd love to! But first I have to stop by my house and-" she stopped talking abruptly, then said "Yumichika." He knew something was wrong, and judging by the direction she was looking it was behind him. Slowly, he turned, taking a deep breath as he kept silently praying that it wasn't who he thought it was. As he completed his turn, much to his disgust, he saw his father, Hasako Ayasegawa.

"Well! Its seems that fool Myoshi wasn't lying! The brat actually is back! Oh!" Hasako paused, his eyebrows raising as he gave Ayuma a lecherous look, "and he got himself his little girlfriend with him too!" Ayuma glared at him, her lip curling with disgust, but she grasped Yumichika's hand in her own in order to let him know she was their to support him. "So, boy, what you doin' back here and not visiting your own father? didn't ya' miss me?" he said mockingly. Yumichika was standing stiffly. He couldn't focus on anything but the mans voice and those eyes, The same eyes that always gazed at him lustfully, the same voice that moaned and grunted as he raped his own son. Everything was the same, just slightly older. "BOY!" he shouted, chuckling darkly when Yumichika flinched and snapped out of his daze. "And who the hell are you?" Ikkaku asked, cracking his knuckles and standing up threateningly, Renji and Iba standing up behind him, glaring at the man, wondering who he was and why Yumichika was acting the way he was around the bastard. "Well, BOYS" he said, making emphasis on the word boys in a degrading way, "I'm the little freaks father." Silence. "This is your dad?" Renji spluttered out, his eyebrow tattoo's rising up his forehead. Maybe this was why Yumichika tried to be so pretty, cause even Kurotsuchi, as terribly hideous as he was, could have won a beauty pageant compared to this guy. "N-no." Yumichika mumbled. He then motioned for his little group to get up and leave. He had his hand wrapped in Ayumas's and started trying to lead her out of the bar. He only got five steps outside before Hasako caught up to him and smashed his bony fist into Yumichika's flawless face. "Yumi-kun!" Ayuma gasped, the rest of the group stood behind them, eyes wide, waiting to see what Yumichika would do.

"YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH!" his father yelled. Yumichika groaned, he figured, in fact he was almost positive, his father was drunk, he must have had a few too many back at the shack he lived in, because he wasn't the type to draw attention to himself that could cause him trouble. "WHO THE FUCKIN' HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!" Hasako screamed again, then his voice got low and deadly, like it used to before he beat Yumichika half to death when he was a kid. I raised you myself after that bitch you called a mother died! You should be on your knees thanking me!" Yumichika bit his lip, trying to not cry or yell, or possibly punch his childhood tormenter in the face, and still the man continued. "You were always a good for nothing brat, you were only good for a coupla' things actually…" his father smirked. Yumichika bit his lip so hard, he felt the tender skin break and hot, red blood ran off of it. "You were a little punching bag, and a little-" Hasako was sent to a speeding halt, his normally beady eyes got huge. The cause? Yumichika had unsheathed Fuji Kujaku out and held him to his fathers throat, pressed against it so that no matter how, if the man moved he would have his throat cut. Every one watching was silent. Ayuma had her hand coving her mouth, wondering two things, the least important was, since when did he have sword? The most important was if her yumi-kun had the will to kill the bastard standing before him, and as horrible as it sounded, she wished with all her heart that he did, that the man who hurt her best friend would soon also know the meaning of pain, the pain that she and Yumichika knew so well, for so long.

"Wha-what the hell are you doing!" his father gasped as he felt the cold blade press against the fragile, thin skin of his throat. "You need to keep your mouth shut." Yumichika said quietly.

He was a grown man now, an extremely strong, capable Shinigami also! But he couldn't rid himself of the fear that this man instilled in him. The panic he felt bubble up every time he thought of the wretched being, the memories that would start floating around in his mind, like video clips of his life. "YOU THINK YOU CAN TALK TO ME LIKE-" he stopped with a hiss of pain when he felt the sword was pressed firmer against his throat, he also felt a thin trail of blood trickling down his neck, collecting slowly on his robe. "I am warning you, shut up and be still…I am thinking." he muttered, a look of an utterly lost man planted on his face. "Thinking? what's there think about! Just take the damn sword away from me!" Yumichika squeezed his eyes shut and slowly, reluctantly even, lowered his sword, his hands shaking as he did. "Leave, and I will let you live." he warned, turning and walking away. He ran a hand threw his hair, and looked up suddenly then whipped out his sword that stopped a metal pole from being smashed down on his head. He heard his friends gasps, and the pattering sound as the ran over to him. He also knew he had to handle this now, and end it for good. The pole was coming at him again, with an extreme amount of force. Yumichika blocked it, then made it sling out of his fathers grubby hands. Then the moment came…He narrowed his eyes, gritted his teeth, drew in a deep breath. And swung his sword, effectively slitting his father throat.

**WOW! that was intense! Please reveiw! THX!**


	5. Chapter 5

**okay, so I am posting 2 more chapters after this, kinda gory, just a bit. **

The man stumbled, then in his last moments of life, threw a feeble punch at his son, only to have Yumichika stab through his gut instead. Hasako had one hand to his throat, and one to his stomach as he fell to the ground, a large thud echoed around. A sickening gurgling noise was heard as blood bubbled from his throat, desperate, wheezing, sucking noises followed as he tried to breath. Blood was quickly pooling around the body, the puddle rippling as his jerking movements slowed down to weak shudders. Then, it was over. The man that had tortured Yumichika for so long was dead. Not another breath to be taken into his bloodied body.

Not a sound was made as everyone stared at the scene before them. Finally after about 30 seconds, Ikkaku spoke. "Y-Yumichika…? What…why?…A-are you okay?" No one was expecting the sudden burst of movement from the man who stood with a bloodied sword in his grip. Yumichika took off with a shunpo that could have rivaled Yoruichi's, so fast and sudden, he was gone before anyone could even register what happened, much less follow him. "What the FUCK?" was the most popular question that came from everyone's lips as they tried to pull themselves together. Passer Byers stared, then looked at the group in fear, before they ran off, hoping to escape with their lives.

"WHAT WAS THAT?"

"We have to find him!"

"Will he be okay?"

"HOLY SHIT!"

"…I know where he went."

Every one who had been talking stopped, stared, then Rangiku asked worriedly, "Where?"

"The place that we always went when we are having trouble, the place we would always meet up after a long day. The place I built my house…The clearing by the river"

He was sitting by the river, his hands bloodied and shaking. '_W-what have I done…?' _he asked himself mentally. "_You killed the man who tortured you for so many years, you should feel relief…yet, you don't…" _came the concerned voice of Fuji Kujaku in his head. '_I-I know I should feel relief, like you said, I should feel a sense of justice in my mind…but all I feel is…confusion, anger, and…loneliness.' _he lightly shook his head. '_I am so pathetic…'_

'_Yumichika'_ came Fuji Kujaku's voice again, '_I cant help you if you don't want to help yourself…but, I assure you, once you come to a solution, I will do all I can to help you reach it…'_ His he said, his voice fading, and soon, it was gone.

Looking at his hands, he shuddered at the blood he saw on them '_that mans blood'_ he thought with a shiver. He leaned over and place his hands in the river, closing his eyes at the cool, refreshing feeling, also he closed them so he would not see the red water flowing away. Pulling them out, he dried them on his kimono, then rubbed his face. When he pulled his hand away, he saw blood again, At that moment remembering how he had bit his lip so hard it tore flesh, and drew blood. "Damn…" he muttered, scooping up a handful of the cold water, then splashing it on his face, effectively removing the blood. "It seems all I see nowadays is blood…usually my own…"

"Blood is one thing that the body need to keep it going, to keep the organs functioning, to distribute oxygen in the body, to carry nutrients every where…" he muttered, dark thoughts swimming in his minds. "W-what would happen if their wasn't any left…if…if I made all of it leave…?" his answer came to him immediately. "I would die…" he whispered. "It would be so easy. I saw how fast father died…maybe, just maybe, I could do it even faster…" his eyes started watering as he thought of all his friends he would be leaving behind, all the things he had accomplished would be worthless after that. '_but the pain would be gone_' was his minds reply. Slowly, hesitantly, he started reaching for his sword '_Fuji Kujaku, y-you said you would do everything in your power to help me once I made my decision…I-I have made that decision…' _he felt his zanpakuto horror at the thought he just had. "You promised." he whispered, then he started shakily pulling his zanpakuto out of its sheath, breathing heavily as he thought about what he was about to do.

Then he heard voices, not just any voices, the voices of his friends! Quickly, he sheathed Fuji Kujaku again and turned away from where he heard them coming and started furiously trying to scrub the annoying tears from his sad eyes.

"Yumichika!" Ayuma called when she saw him sitting there by the river, she fell on her knees at his side, and wrapped her arms gently around him, pulling his head to rest against her, as she rested her head on top of his. She heard him quietly sniffle, and knew he was trying to get control of himself. She would shield him from the others till he was ready, till he could hold his tears.

Everyone was silent as they gazed upon the fragile looking Yumichika in Ayumas's arms. A couple of minutes passed, and he soon drew back, giving her a small, sad smile. "Sorry, I-I…" he didn't know what to say. "Yumi-kun, are you okay?" Rangiku asked, getting on her knees also beside the shaken man. "I am fine Ran-chan." he murmured, his hand going to his forehead as he sat there. "Really? Because I don't think I would be fine after going through that…" Hisagi pointed out. Yumichika looked up at him and Hisagi gave him a sympathetic look. Looking down, Yumichika sighed. '_so much for my plan'_ he thought, pain flooding through his heart.

Ayuma noticed a certain look on her Yumi's face as he looked down from Hisagi. She didn't know what it meant, but she knew one thing. That he was suffering. "Hey, why don't we go to my house, its just up that way." she offered, pointing off to the north of them, causing all of them to notice a small, yet well kept home up the way. "How did we not see that…?" Renji whispered to himself, the few that could hear him nodded, surprised. Ayuma helped Yumichika up and started leading him gently to her house. It was very small, but it looked comfortable. It was put together with planks of wood, very simply, yet it worked. Walking through the door, you could see it was all one room except for a small bathroom in the corner area.

"So, Yumichika, I know you are still upset and everything, but are you going to tell us what all that was about out there?" came Iba's gruff voice after they had all been seated. Yumichika looked up from the tea cup he had in his hands that Ayuma had just given him moments ago. He took a sip, and let it sit in his mouth for a bit. An attempt at stalling.

"Yumi-kun?" Rangiku whispered, placing her hand on his arm with the sleeve on it, making him hiss in pain from his cuts, but everyone else took it as a hiss of surprise. Ayuma narrowed her eyes thoughtfully and stared at the sleeve around his wrist, like he used to do when he was younger to hide his cuts…'_he still is cutting…'_ was the thought that popped into her head. "I…I-" Yumichika was trying to find something to say when he felt a light, soft touch on his arm. It was so gentle that it didn't irritate his arm, just getting his attention. Looking up from behind his hair, he saw Ayuma gazing at him sadly, she gently ran her hand down his sleeved arm and tilted her head, asking a silent question, speaking to him in the way that they did when they were young. Her eyes said '_Do you still do it?'_

He lowered his gaze, then met her eyes and bit his lip, but gasped lightly when he felt the cuts there, and instead just gazed at her.

'_yes, I am sorry…' _his eyes replied.

'_I understand, but yumi, let me help you, just like we used to always help each other.' _her eyes spoke to his into soul. Yumichika nodded, closing his eyes, breaking off the eye contact.

"Uhhh, anyways, Yumichika, we kinda' are really confused..," kira said, his usually monotone voice shy for interrupting their moment, yet curious for answers.

Yumichika opened his violet eyes, blinked, then opened his mouth and let out a trembling breath, then he began.

**Uh, well, thanks for reading, please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Mild angst/ mild fluff**

"Well…My father and I haven't always had the greatest relationship, so…uh, I was just tired of him talking down to me, so I…well you saw." Yumichika said, hoping that his friends would leave it like that, but deep down knowing they would not let it drop until they got all the details…or at least all the details that had to go with what they heard, he wasn't planning on letting them know about the sexual abuse.

"Yumi, that cant be all…I know this is a sensitive subject, but you are going to have to have a reason for killing a civilian." Hisagi prodded gently. "He was abusive, that's about it." He whispered, hiding his face behind his hair. "What do you mean abusive?" Ikkaku growled, wishing he could have beat the asshole himself. "He slapped me around a bit, t-that's all…" They could all tell he was obviously understating it. "Yumi-kun, I know its hard, you know I understand, but these people are your friends and you NEED them to help you." Ayuma gave a needed push and a look that let him know, she KNEW he was suffering, she knew he needed help. Yumichika let a sad frown appear on his beautiful face, he gave her a sad look, but she just laid her head on his shoulder and urged him to continue. "You need it." she murmured.

He sighed in acceptance, then began his tragic story.

"My family was a happy family, had a decent house for the area we in, I had loving parents, hard working father, loving, doting mother…well, that all ended when I turned 5, that was the year when mom died of disease." He let out a shuddering breath, feeling Ayuma squeeze his hand comfortingly. "When mom died, Father…well…he started drinking, stopped going to work, let the house fall to ruin. I-I had to take over the chores around the house, making supper, doing the laundry, cleaning up his sake bottles, trying to make the house resemble somewhat of the home I remembered. I also had to start working. I worked three jobs, I cleaned some of the nicer restaurants in the area, I helped in some of the farms in the area, helping feeding the animals, cleaning the pens they stayed in, and making sure all the tools they used were working. I also worked in the fields, picking vegetables, watering them, and pulling weeds, all of this paid minimum wage. When I got home, I did my chores, then got beat in thanks for doing them" He snorted at how pathetic he was.

Rangiku was silently crying for her friend, Renji, Hisagi, Kira and Iba were in shock, Ikkaku was fuming, holding it in, not wanting to upset yumi anymore than he already was. Ayuma was quiet, her past consisting of much the same as her friend "When I didn't cook something right, he beat me. When I didn't get all his sake bottles up before he woke, he beat me again. When I struggled when he raped me-" Yumichika stopped, his voice coming to a shocked halt. Every ones froze. Yumichika paled to a chalky white color. Ayuma's eyes widened, she knew he didn't want to reveal that part, it must have just slipped while he was over come with the memories of his past.

"Y-Yumichika…he…he ra-" Ikkaku was cut off as Yumichika leapt of the couch and bolted for the bathroom, slamming the door and clicking the lock. The group heard sounds of retching coming through the door and walls. Then it was quiet.

"DAMN!" Ayuma cursed, running to the door and banging on it with her fists. The others were jumping up to run over, "No, go sit down, he wont want to be smothered right now." she said, trying to contain her distress. "He need his best friend! Let me in there!" Ikkaku yelled at her, trying to shove her aside, only to have her grab his arm and flip him into a pinned position on the floor. He looked up at her in shock, as did the group of his friends. "He needs someone who knows what he went through, who can relate!" She snarled, her silver eyes flaming with anger at his brashness. "You…can relate?" Renji asked, shock showing in his crimson orbs. "Yumichika's father and my father were friends, and we sorta bonded over what they did to us…" she had a sad, pained look in her shimmering eyes, but that soon turned to impatience. "Go. Sit. Down. Now." she commanded, every one obeyed, trusting her to know what was best for their yumi, though some did it reluctantly.

"Yumichika, open this door, please!" he heard her plead after hearing her little scuffle with Ikkaku. He didn't have a razor, so he was sitting on the floor, tracing his scabs and scars, debating on re-opening some of the scabs, or even using his zanpakuto, wanting pain to make him go into blissful numbness. "Yumichika, you need to open this door!" she demanded now, her fist rapping on the door again. "Damn" he choked out, tears cascading from his eyes. "Are you alone?" he asked quietly, only planning to open the door if it was Ayuma. "Yes, yumi-kun" she said softly, "its only me." Scooting over to the door, he clicked the lock and scooted back against the wall.

Ayuma walked in, shutting and locking the door behind her. Yumi-kun, I-" She stopped, eyes widening when she saw his arm as he traced the scars. Slowly, she sat next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "You've been busy, huh?" she muttered, tracing a particularly bad scar on his ravaged arm. "Heh, yeah." He said with a sniffle.

"Damn, I didn't want to say that! Now…how will I face them, telling them about the abuse was already degrading enough…the rape…well, I didn't want them to know. Rangiku is a great person, but she has no idea how to keep a secret…" he looked up at her, "Why did you make me tell them!" he said, hurt in his voice. "Because, you need their support and help. Yumi, I know its hard, but I also know you are suffering. You need support, and I know they will give it to you. I want you to be happy…I NEED you to be happy. I Still mean what I said the day you left, I still feel the way I did the day you left." she said shyly. Yumichika looked down at her, she had a blush on her soft face, her eyes were shimmering, and she had a small, sad smile on her lips.

"_Yumichika!" Ayuma greeted, her face lighting up entirely. "Yuma-chan." he greeted, giving her a soft hug. He felt her warm arms wrap around him as well. "This is an unexpected visit!" she sang out, making her way to the kitchen, where he smelled dinner cooking, Ayuma had always been an excellent cook. _

_He blushed lightly as he noticed how much she had grown up. 'Damn…' he thought. She had soft, but well defined curves. Her shiny hair had grown out long and lush, she was slender, but you could see her toned body. He licked his lips, but mentally slapped himself. 'I cant be thinking this way about her!' he said to him self as he directed his mind to go to the task he came here for. "-and she gave me a great deal on the meat, which is good, because you know how much I love meat!" she giggled. He sweat dropped, apparently she had been talking the whole time he had been…ehem, checking her out. "Yumi-kun? Are you okay?" she asked. "Your face is flushed! Are you coming down with a fever?" she gasped, pressing the back of her hand on his forehead, making the blush worse. "No, I am fine" He assured her, wrapping his hand around hers as he pulled it down, releasing it slowly after he got it down. He noticed a small blush on her face too when their hands touched. _

"_Ayuma…I…I am leaving" he blurted out, just trying to get it over with. "What?" she answered, a confused look on her face. "I am going to the Shinigami academy…I will be there for a few years, then, I will join the thirteen court guard. But, I-I want you to come with me…" he said, a note of pleading in his voice. "Yumichika...I c-cant…Mother is very, very sick! I have to take care of her, because we both know father wont do it…Yumi-kun, please, please don't go!" she cried, tears filling her eyes. "I have to." he said, sadness echoing in his tone. "You are leaving me…?" she whispered, her voice broken up. "I have to go." he said, trying to convince himself now. "Yumichika, you cant go, because, because I love you!" she shouted, slapping her hands to her mouth, her face red as a tomato. Yumichika was stunned to say the least. He tilted his head, and cupped her cheek in his palm, "I don't know what to say…" he murmured, conflict shadowing his face. "I understand that you have to go…Because I want you to be happy, I NEED you to be happy" she sighed sorrowfully, her eyes closed, "but please, don't forget me…because, I will never, ever forget you." she whispered, tears trailing don her cheeks. "I could never forget you Yuma-chan, never" he said, his breath brushing her as he lightly pressed his lips on her forehead, then pulling away, smiling sadly. "I will visit you, I promise." he stated, then turned and walked out the door, hearing the whispered words "I love you, Yumichika Ayasegawa" following him out into the wind. _

**please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**FLUFF ALERT!**

Yumichika smiled softly at the memory, trying to think of what to say. Ayuma decided to change the subject. "Your arm looks painful yumi-kun" she said, looking at it from her position. "Yeah, well, I deserve it for being weak." He said, making a fist, letting it rest on his forehead. "I am so pathetic, I know its weak, but I just cant stop, it is ugly, and stupid and…dammit! Why am I so fucking pathetic!" he said, his voice rising, his teeth were clenched and he felt tears running down his cheeks again. He was about to degrade himself more, but he felt something soft and warm moving on his arm.

"A-Ayuma!" he gasped out surprised. Ayuma had gently taken hold of his arm and brought it up to her lips, planting tender kisses on each of the scars, trailing her lips along the lengths of them. "Yumichika, they are not ugly, they are not signs of weakness, you are not stupid" she said, looking him in the eyes affectionatly. "Your scars stand for your resilience, they stand for your perseverance. I will say, there are probably better ways to deal with it, but you found a way to keep your self going. You could have taken it to far. You could have ended it all. But you didn't. You may have thought of it." she murmured, giving him a knowing stare, he coughed. "But yumi-kun, you are strong! You are amazing! I know it will take you a while to stop, but I will help you, because I know you want to. There is no saying you wont slip up, but its okay. WE will get through this together." she said, closing her eyes and laying her head on his shoulder again.

All of the sudden she gasped.

He slipped his finger under her chin and lifted it up. Her eyes were wide and wondering, _'and extremely beautiful' _he thought. His own eyes lowering down to her lips. They looked soft, plush, delicious, and extremely inviting. He lifted his eyes to meet hers, violet on silver, and noticed the deep blush on her face. Slowly, nervously, he lowered his lips to hers, pressing them to hers with gentle pressure. She took a sudden intake of breath, then pressed her lips back to his. Their eyes fluttered closed, and he pulled her close to him, and she cupped his face in her palm.

The kiss was gentle, warm, comforting, yet filled with restrained passion. When they needed to breath, they slowly pulled apart, lips still brushing, breath mingling, bodies wanting, hearts warming. "Thank you…thank you Ayuma." he whispered breathily , "And by the way, this is my answer to your feelings." he said, his voice strained and husky. Ayuma nodded, dazed.

"Are you going to be okay?" Ayuma asked as they stood up, their breathing still shaky. He closed his eyes, then opened them, gazing deep into Ayuma's, then pecked her lips, smiling as he did so. "As long as your with me, I will be." he replied. She just smiled at him, joy in her eyes.

"Yuma-chan, I don't think that we should let this get out…about us just yet…I mean, I am not ashamed, not in the least. In fact, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, but…I just wouldn't be able to deal about the talking. I already know there will be some about what everyone already knows." he said as he slipped his sleeve back on his arm. "Of course yumi, of course" she said, brushing her fingers along his cheek.

When they walked out of the bathroom, the group sighed in relief at seeing Yumichika in a much better state than he was before. "Um…hi…" he said, feeling extremely awkward, but that was all cut short when Rangiku went up to him and smothered him in a boob-crushing hug. "Yumi, I am sorry we pried, you are so strong!" she cried out, as he wrapped his arms around her. "Yumichika, we just want you to know, we don't think any less of you. We…well…damn, you know I aint good at this emotional shit and all that…" Ikkaku voiced his opinion, and looked really flustered. To every ones shock, Yumichika chuckled. "I know you aren't, but that's okay. It would be really weird having an emotional Ikkaku!" every one laughed at that image.

"Crap…" Yumichika whispered, bringing his finger to his chin and looked at Ayuma. "What's wrong?" she asked, tilting her head to the side. "I…I cant just let you go back home you know…" Yumichika said, worry in his voice. All but Ayuma looked confused. "Yumi, I have dealt with the man for 134 years, I think I can handle it." She said, but then put her own finger to her own chin. "But, honestly, I don't want to lose my best friend after I just found you…" she muttered, confused on what to do. "You could come with us back to the Seireitei!" Rangiku chirped out, a big smile on her face. "You guys live in the Seireitei?" she gasped. "You guys are Shinigami!" she shouted, shock on her porcelain face. "Uh, Yuma-chan…you do remember that I left to go to the Shinigami academy, right?" Yumichika asked, an eyebrow raising up his forehead. "Uh…OH! Yeah, yeah…heh…I remember now." she muttered, punching Yumichika's arm when he snickered at her. "Well, um, were would I live? I wouldn't want to burden anyone." she asked, her eyes filled with doubt. "You could live with me…I am sure my captain wont mind as long as I don't slack off on my work." Yumichika offered, Ayuma let a smile break out on her face "That sound great, I would love too!" she replied happily, she was about to say something else, when Rangiku interrupted. "No, no, no, no, no!" she chided. "Even though, this _IS_ Yumichika we are talking about, he is still a man, therefore he is fueled by hormones and wet dreams! I do not approve!" she stated, tutting after she spoke. Every one stared. "She will be staying with me!" all the sudden a huge smile was on her face, scaring Ayuma. "We can do make-over's, mani-pedi's! OH, OH! We can do each others hair! Talk about guys, and I can show you some of the great dishes my friend Orihime, from the world of the living, showed me! Ikkaku and Yumichika gagged and Ikkaku shook his head, mouthing "BAD IDEA!" when Rangiku wasn't looking , while Ayuma looked horrified at the prospect of everything Rangiku suggested. "Um, as…great as that sounds, I think I will stay with Yumichika" Ayuma decided, using her hand to sweep her bangs out of her face. "BUT THE WET DREAMS!" Rangiku shouted. "RAN-CHAN!" Yumichika yelled, lightly bopping Rangiku on the head. "It is decided, she will stay with me if my captain agrees." Yumichika said, and it was final.

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	8. Chapter 8

**FUCK ME! I just saw this awsome picture of yumichika from the anime, And, DAMN! He was frickin' HOT! I mean it was him from his rukongai days, and he head different hairstyle and all that, and HE WAS SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL! DOES ANYONE OTHER THAN ME FIND IT VERY WEIRD THAT I AM OBSESSING OVER A FICTIONAL CHARACTER! PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!**

"FEATHER FACE! PACHINKO HEAD!" Yachiru cheered when she saw the two men walk into the office, jumping down from Kenpachi's desk and running to Yumichika, jumping up into his arms to be held. Yumichika looked down at the small girl and smiled at her, shifting her into a more comfortable position while he held her. "What the hell are you two doing here? Ya have the weekend off…and it's the evening. Shouldn't ya be off drinkin' or something?" Kenpachi said, barely looking up from his paperwork. "Captain, I have a request…" Yumichika said, his voice hopeful yet nervous. Now Kenpachi was interested. Yumichika, no matter how vain he was**(Or so Kenpachi thought)** He never asked for favors. He always did everything himself. "Uh...okay, what's your request?" he asked. Yumichika was quiet, leaning his head down, while Ikkaku snickered, earning him a punch in the gut. "What do you want?" he said, impatience edging his voice. "Captain, I have a friend who is kinda in a situation that's not good…" Yumichika began, "And I was wondering if that friend could live with me in my barracks apartment…?"

Kenpachi was quiet, a thoughtful look on his face. "Ne, sure I don't care. Don't know why you were so nervous about asking though?" Kenpachi said, stating it as a question, which Yumichika played dumb and pretended not to notice. "What's his name feather face?" Yachiru questioned, curiosity gleaming in her maroon eyes. "Oh…uhm…her name is Ayuma Kawata…" he muttered, wondering what was going to be said about the fact his new roommate would be a woman. "She's a giiiirl!" Yachiru chirped out, her face started glowing. "You want a woman to live with ya'?" Kenpachi questioned. "Well, she is my best childhood friend…she is in a bad situation, so I would like her to live with me." Yumichika blushed when Ikkaku snickered again. "What ever." Kenpachi said as he stretched. "Just don't let the woman distract you from your work."

Yumichika set Yachiru down, bid her farewell and dashed for the door. Ikkaku stopped him. "Yumi, I know you don't want to, but there is another issue to settle…" He said, sadness appearing in his brown eyes. Yumichika paled when he realized what Ikkaku was referring to. "Ikkaku…I am sorry, but could you please do it…I-I just-" he was cut off. "Yumi, I am sorry, but you know the rules, the one to kill has to be questioned." Ikkaku apologized. "What, you killed someone Yumichika?" Kenpachi asked, a devilish smile forming on his scarred face, but then disappeared when he realized the paper work that he would have to do because of it. "Sigh, take a seat." he said, pulling out some forms. "Uh, h-how about tomorrow…o-or next week, because, well you know how busy it gets around here! Busy, busy, busy-" He was cut off. "Shut the hell up-" Kenpachi growled, "and take a damn seat!" Yumichika flinched and lowered himself into the chair across from his captains desk. "Now, who did you kill?"

"A civilian…" Yumichika muttered, twiddling his thumbs as he sat there. "You killed a civilian? Why?" Kenpachi asked, confusion planted on his face. "Uh, he tried to beat me with a metal pole." Yumichika stated. '_is it getting hot in here, or is it just me…'_ he thought while pulling at his collar. "Well, what was the civilians name? Do you know, 'cuz we gotta' find out for the report" Kenpachi said, flapping his hand lazily at the papers. "Uhhhhh…." Yumichika stalled. Kenpachi sighed. "Ikkaku, do you know who it was?" Ikkaku eyes got as wide as dinner plates, sweat forming on his forehead. "Uh, well, you see…" he coughed out, trying to find a way out of this that wouldn't hurt yumi. "Sigh…Its okay Ikkaku, just tell him…" Yumichika sighed out, a depressed look on his face. "…Hasako…Ayasegawa…" Ikkaku growled out the name. "Ayasegawa? But that's your last name?" Yachiru said, jumping onto he spot on the desk. "H-he was my father…"

"You killed your father?" Yachiru said, shocked, while Kenpachi, had a surprised look on his face, and also was thinking about Yumichika's odd reactions. "Why did you kill your father?" he asked, eyebrow raised. "I told you, captain, he tried to hit me with a metal pole…"

"You didn't have to kill him though! You should love you daddy! You shoulda' just disabled him!" Yachiru shouted, a frown on her usually smiling face. Yumichika shut his eyes, gasped and gritted his teeth as a memory slammed into his mind…

"_Yumichika" Hasako panted out, his naked body hovering over the scared, naked 12 year old Yumichika. "Tell me you love me" he murmured trailing his lips down the boys face. Yumichika didn't respond, he kept his eyes closed and his mouth shut with his teeth gritted so he wouldn't scream or cry. "Tell me you love me." his father commanded. "…" Yumichika didn't respond. SLAP. The sound echoed around the room, Yumichika whimpered in pain and fear. "TELL ME!" his father bellowed, his disgusting mouth right next to Yumichika's ear. "N-no…" Yumichika stuttered out, his body trembling. Fine, then show me." Hasako said, a smirk forming on his face. Yumichika's face looked confused, fear shining in his eyes. "W-what do you mean?" he asked. His father, still smirking, pointed down at his member, "You know." he said, his voice dripping with desire. Yumichika felt like throwing up. "No!" he cried when his father grabbed his hair and pulled his head to Hasako's member, shoving it forcefully into his mouth. "Bite me and you'll be joining your mother in the dirt." he whispered. Yumichika, slowly started, shaky and nauseas. "FASTER!" his father panted, grabbing Yumichika's head again, setting his own speed. Yumichika gagged, choking on his father, but soon recovered, and realized his father was getting close. '__**please don't make me swallow it!'**__ he begged in his dizzy head. Then his father came. "Fuuuuck!" he yelled out, releasing into Yumichika's mouth. Pulling himself out of his sons mouth, he commanded. "Swallow." Yumichika considered spitting it out, but last time he did that, his father made him do it again. PUNCH. SLAP. BANG. Hasako was slapping and punching his son, slamming his head against the headboard. "Tell me you love me." he said again, his face right next to his sons._

"…_I-I-I l-love you…" Yumichika sobbed out as unconsciousness swept through his body, and soon, he was out._

"Yumichika…YUMICHIKA!"

Yumichika jumped, his body jerking away from Ikkaku touching his shoulder again. "W-what?" he yelled, eyes wide and scared as he sat there trembling. "Yumi, you okay?" Ikkaku asked, knowing now that Yumichika just had a flash back. "Yeah, s-sorry…" he said, wishing Ayuma was there to comfort him, to hold him, or at least be alone with his razor... '_I am such a weak little freak…'_ he thought, bringing his hand up to grip his hair. "Yumichika…?" Yumichika gasped again, going pale as a sheet when he heard his captains voice, realizing his captain and lieutenant just witnessed that episode. "Uh, sorry, now what were we saying?" he asked, a shaky smile, obviously forced, appeared on his face. "What was that about?" asked Kenpachi, a suspicion slowly forming in his head. "Nothing…I was just…remembering something." he murmured. Kenpachi sighed again, closing his eyes for a moment. "Yumichika, tell me…did your father…abuse you?"

Yumichika choked on the air, Ikkaku's jaw dropped and he took a step back. "W-w-what would make you think that, c-captain…?" Yumichika stuttered. "You looked pale when you father was mentioned, you KILLED your father, and obviously you just suffered some sort of flash back, you are all nervous and fidgety since we started talking about him, now, did he, or did he not?"

"It doesn't really matter captain…" Yumichika whispered, his voice low and shaky. "Yumichika, I asked you a question, I want a yes or no answer." Kenpachi said lowly. "…he slapped me around a bit, that's all." Yumichika said hesitantly. Ikkaku snorted and narrowed his eyes, effectively giving Kenpachi the message it wasn't just a bit. "Your daddy hit you?" Yachiru said, her eyes looked shocked and sad. "…Yeah…but that was a long time ago, it doesn't matter anymore..." Yumichika said with a sad, shaky smile on his face.

"So let me guess, your friend is in a similar situation?" Kenpachi said like more of a statement than a question.

"Pretty much, yeah." was the reply he got.

"I wanna' meet her!" Yachiru squealed, running over and pulling at Yumichika's shihakusho. "Um…well she is standing outside of the building, I can go get her." he answered, getting up. "You left a woman all by herself outside the 11th division? Real smart Yumichika." Kenpachi growled at him. Yumichika and Ikkaku chuckled. "Oh, she is more than capable of taking care of herself captain." Yumichika laughed out. "Then why does she need to live with you?" Yachiru asked. Yumichika went serious again. "Because I don t want her in that environment, and…I don't want to lose her again." with that he headed out to the entrance of the building, coming back a couple of minutes later, yelling at some people as he did. "and take them to the 4th division to be healed!"

"Who needs to go to the 4th division?" Ikkaku pondered. Yumichika was standing outside the open door his hand reaching to the left of him, said, "Ah, some guys were messing with her and she smacked them around a bit." he said with a smirk.

"Well, common' in! Don't be shy!" Yachiru chirped, he childish voice excited. Yumichika walked in, dragging Ayuma behind him, who at the moment had a fierce expression on her face. "Why are those bastards going to be healed! Just let them lay there! They deserve it, the fuckin' pigs!" she snarled out. Every one was quiet. "…" Yumichika stared at her. "Yumi-kun, please stop staring, its rude." she said pleasantly, her mood changing instantly as she stepped farther into the room. All of the sudden Kenpachi busted out laughing. "Got quiet a moody one there, dontcha Yumichika!" he laughed harder. "Ah, this must be your captain!" she said, a smile plastered on her face. "Nice to meet you captain Zaraki, my name is Ayuma Kawata." Kenpachi stopped laughing. "What's with you, you were all pissy justa' second ago?" Ayuma smirked, "Ah, the emotions of a woman! Men can never understand them." Ayuma said flapping her hand absently at him. He raised an eyebrow. "Hi pretty lady! My name is Yachiru Kusajishi, lieutenant of the 11th division, and I like candy, do you like candy? Do you got any on ya?" then she turned to Ikkaku, "Hey, pachinko head, You owe me candy too!" Everyone stared, then Ayuma started laughing. "I like this girl!"

**OKAY SO THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL HAVE SOME MORE AYUMAxYUMI LOVIN'! NOW TELL ME, WHO WANTS ME TO MAKE THIS INTO A M RATED FIC BETWEEN AYUMA AND YUMI, CUZ I WANT TO! PLEASE REVIEW! XOXOXOXOXOXO BY THE WAY IAM SORRY THIS CHAPTER SUUUCKS!**


	9. Chapter 9

**So, there will be romance in this chapter, which is how I like it since I am into angst, and also into romance! I feel like my writing has gotten worse since I began this story...but still, it will be continued. Well, please read and review!**

"Hahaha!" Ayuma laughed as she and Yumichika walked into his, well, now their home. "I love that little Yachiru! I mean, pachinko head? Who the hell woulda' thought of that name!" she crowed out, shaking her head back and forth. "…" she was silent for a minute, then smirked devilishly. "Soooo, what's her nickname for you?" she asked, the smirk still on her face. "Oh, um…" he whispered his nickname. "Whaat was that?" she asked, leaning in, her hand cupping around her ear. "Feather face….and sometimes weirdy-chan, she doesn't use that one that often though." he muttered, cursing Yachiru for her nicknaming abilities. "Pfffftt! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ayuma cracked out, scaring Yumichika at the suddenness. "Stop laughing!" he growled, going over and bonking her on the head. "Aw, yumi-kun, I am just kidding!" she said as she wrapped him in a hug, leaning up and planting a soft, light kiss on his lips, teasing him. He stiffened for half a second, shocked, then leaned in and tried to kiss her more, but she was already skipping away, giggling at his expression that was like a toddler who just had their candy stolen.

"That was mean!" he whined, following her over to the couch she had sat on and joining her. "Aw, poor yumi-kun! Anyways, can you show me my room, I would love to see-" she was cut off, her eyes widening when she felt Yumichika's lips pressing to hers firmly, yet gently. She sat still for a moment, then leaned in, kissing him back. Their lips moved in sync, massaging each others seductively. Yumichika nipped her bottom lip, asking for entrance, which she happily gave him. His tongue ventured around her mouth, tasting her flavor, slipping around her teeth, dipping into every crevice there was, and enjoying every second of it. They both felt sparks when their tongues brushed, causing them the tangle them together to feel it again. Ayuma moaned softly, making Yumichika smile against her lips. His hands were tangled in her hair, and he made note in his mind how silky it felt as it slipped through his fingers. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer.

He lowered her down on her back onto the couch, feeling how she relaxed, and easily allowed his ministrations. She grabbed his bottom lip between hers and bit it lightly, then pulled it playfully with her teeth, Yumichika growling lightly in response to that. She started sucking on it slowly after she bit it, She wasn't expecting Yumichika to respond as he did. He let out a heavy moan, and pressed his body to hers, moving his lips down and started sucking on the soft skin of her slender neck. She gasped, her mouth open in a silent moan. Nipping down her neck, he got to the fabric of her kimono and paused, trailing his tongue lightly along the exposed skin of her chest, then he stopped. Swallowing hard, he lifted his lips back to hers and fastened then securely and kissed her feverishly, then pecking them, once, twice, then a third time, only to pull away after that.

Both their breathing was heavy and labored. "W-why did y-you sto-op" Ayuma panted out, capturing Yumichika's lips into a heart stopping kiss, only to have him pull away moments later. "Yumi-kun…?" she murmured. "Ayuma, I w-want to, I really, **really** do, but, I-its to soon. We, we, j-just got together, I d-don't want to push you into anything th-that you are not r-ready for, even if you th-think you are." he panted out, still having trouble catching his breath. Ayuma stilled, her eyes filled with a fierce desire for him as she gazed into Yumichika's, noting that they mirrored the feelings in hers, she tilted her head. _'he really does want me.' _she thought, sitting up and nuzzling her nose to his. she pressed her lips to his, moving them lustfully against them before pulling away. "I under stand yumi-kun" she said, her voice filled with love and acceptance. "I am ready, but I will wait a while longer, so its not too soon since we just started this relationship. I love you" she whispered huskily into his ear, trailing her lips along his jaw, then standing up, laughing lightly when he fell forward into the spot she was just sitting at. "Hm," he growled, after she got him all riled up "I am starting to regret my idea of waiting…"

As she walked towards the kitchen to start making them some tea she swayed her hips, knowing his eyes would be glued onto her until she disappeared out of the room. "_That little tease!" _he though jokingly as she left.

"So, this will be your room." Yumichika said, moving his hands with a flourish in front of him. "Oh Kami! This room is amazing! And the bed!" she squealed, jumping up and landing on it, feeling it bounce beneath her. "Yumi-kun, I cant thank you enough for every thing you are doing for me." she said, a tender smile forming on her face. "You being happy is enough for me, and besides, I cant thank you enough for what you are doing for me." he replied, a smile on his face. "Come here." she motioned for him to join her on the bed. "uh…I don't know, I mean,-" he stuttered. "Yumichika, come on, I promise I am not going to pull anything, I'll be a good girl." she said with a smirk that made Yumichika wonder if she was lying. He needed to refuse, because if she did try anything, he knew he wouldn't even try to stop her. "What ever" she said as she flopped back on the bed crossing her ankles, "I'll just go to sleep by myself then." she shrugged, grabbed a pillow and hugged it to her as she prepared for sleep.

Yumichika didn't even realize he was walking towards the bed till he felt it hit his knees softly. Ayuma looked up at him, a sleepy smile on her face as she scooted over to allow Yumichika room. He climbed onto the bed and wrapped his arms around her thin waist then pulled her back flush against him. She snuggled in, settling her head under his chin, and she was out like a light. "Your so beautiful." he murmured into he lavender hair, placing a kiss on the top of her head and smiled when she let out a sigh. Soon he was drifting off to dreamland himself.

Yumichika woke up the next morning and stretched out his limbs, a yawn slipping through his lips. "Hm?" he patted the spot next to him, then opened his eyes to find it empty. He looked around, then sat up. '_must have already gotten up' _he thought as he rolled off the bed. Walking to his room, he opened the door and got dressed for the day. This was his last day off for the week he realized. '_wonder what Ayuma will do while I am at the division…?'_

He slipped into the living room and a delicious smell greeted him. He saw Ayuma in the kitchen, apparently cooking breakfast for them, eggs and sausage it smelled like. '_Heh, usually I just have toast for breakfast, this will be nice!' _he snuck up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, chuckling when he felt her jump. "Yumi-kun!" Ayuma greeted as she stirred the eggs with a spatula Yumichika didn't even know he owned. "Good morning" he murmured into he neck as he kissed is slowly, languidly. "Hmm" she said, turning her head and kissing his lips quickly. "It is a good morning, isn't it?" she replied, gesturing with her head out to the window where the sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. "Hmm, so, what do you want to do today?" he asked, pulling away and reaching above and getting the plate she was having trouble reaching. "I was wondering, do you think we could visit Rangiku? I'd like to see her again." Yumichika shrugged, "Sure, I have no problem with that, though she will probably want to go drink again." Ayuma laughed. "What?" he inquired, taking the two plates over to the table while Ayuma got the drinks. "I was just wondering what you are like when you get drunk. "I actually don't know, I try not to get drunk, I usually stop drinking after three glasses of it." He said a pondering look on his face. "I bet it would be funny." she chuckled, then squeaked when he lightly kicked her under the table. "Well what are you like when you get drunk?" he pressed, raising an eyebrow. "Hmm, I have only been drunk twice. The first time was when I was really depressed and I ended up passing out. The second time was when I was really mad, and ended up knocking myself out after I ran into a wall if I remember correctly." she laughed. "Hah! I would have loved to see that!" Yumichika chortled, slapping a hand over his mouth at the sound that came out of it. Ayuma stared at him a moment, then pointed at him and started laughing uncontrollably, Yumichika soon joining. Their laughter echoing around the apartment, filling the usually silent space with noise of joy.

**Thanks for reading, now please review! I have decided, that this will turn into a m rated fic soon, so if you dont like, dont read(though I would perfer it if every one kept reading, but hey, its your choice! ;D )**


	10. Chapter 10

_Six months had passed since Ayuma had joined Yumichika in his home, they had become even closer, their love strong, but they were still going steady. Yumichika still had issues with his flashbacks, and had found himself cutting, just not as often as before. Every time he did, Ayuma would calm him, help him get cleaned up and talk it out, she would make sure he understood the she did understand, but voiced her disapproval of him hurting himself. Slowly, they were working through it. Ayuma and Rangiku had become best friends over the time and were constantly hanging around each other. She had also become good friends with the rest of the soul reapers Yumichika hung out with. The biggest thing that had happened was that Ayuma had become a soul reaper too. She joined the academy and took the extreme elite classes and graduated after six months and was placed as the 5th__ seat of the 11__th__ division, seeing as Yumichika __**(no longer under the façade he put on about beauty) **__moved up to 4__th__ seat. Kenpachi had been impressed by her skill in fighting and the fact she never turned down a good fight__**.(Plus the fact that Yachiru hadn't stopped badgering him till he accepted her in)**_

_**NOW ONWARD TO THE STORY!**_

"Morning Captain!" Yumichika greeted as he and Ayuma stepped into the office, then going to their separate desks. Ayuma groaned when she saw the large stack of paper work on her desk. "Lieutenant, cant you do your own paperwork for once!" Ayuma exclaimed, her voice clearly exasperated. "No can do, pretty lady" Yachiru said as she sat on Kenpachi's desk, eating her lollipop as she swung her short little legs back and forth. Yachiru had taken to calling Ayuma pretty lady after meeting her, and Ayuma was just grateful she didn't get some stupid nick name like so many others did. "Weirdy-chan!" Yachiru called out, running and jumping into his lap. "How about we all go out for lunch today! Ken-chan will pay!" she said, shushing Kenpachi when he tried to deny it. "Well, if the captains paying," Yumichika said slyly, narrowing his eyes into amused slits. "I damn well am not paying!" Kenpachi growled out, giving Yumichika a death glare that made Yumichika turn his head down to his work and start writing.

"Hmph! Yes you will ken-chan! You promised you would take me out to eat!" Yachiru pouted. "Yeah, YOU not everyone else." he pointed out, scowling at the young girl he considered his daughter. "How about this, captain Zaraki pays for himself and Yachiru, and everyone else pays for themselves?" Ayuma suggested just as Ikkaku walked into the room. He raised an eyebrow and then rolled his eyes. "The lieutenant trying to get ya to pay for everyone's lunch, AGAIN, captain?" he questioned, only to have Yachiru jump off Yumichika's lap, land on Ikkaku's shoulder and gnaw on his head. "Shuwt uwp, pachinkow heawd" she growled as she gnawed on him, her drool dripping down to his face. "AHHHH, GET THE FUCK OF ME YOU LITTLE MONSTER!" He screamed as he ran around the room. "What ever, lets head out to lunch, I am hungry." Kenpachi said as if his lieutenant wasn't mauling his 3rd seat, scratching his stomach as he walked out of the room. "YAY FOOD!" Yachiru cheered and jumped off of Ikkaku and chased after Kenpachi, while Ikkaku chased after her down the hall. "You ready, Yuma-chan?" Yumichika aske, walking over to her desk. "Yeah, just let me grab my wallet." she started reaching down to her desk drawer where her wallet was, when Yumichika's hand stopped her. "Don't worry, I'll pay for yours."

"Oh, you don't have to do that! You always pay when we go out to eat, let me just pay my own this once!" Ayuma said, reaching for her wallet again, only to be stopped once more by Yumichika's hand, as he shook his head with a smile planted on his face. "Nope!" he said cheerfully. Ayuma stuck her bottom lip out in a pout, trying to get him to give in. He quickly leaned down and caught her pouting lip between his teeth and gave it a light nip, then sucked on it for a moment, causing Ayuma to pull him into a deeper kiss. Yumichika quickly pulled away, licking his lips as he did so, making Ayuma's silver eyes flash with desire as he did so. He noticed this and chuckled, pulling her up and dragging her out the room, no further protests, '_just like I planned' _he thought with a smirk.

Yumichika sat up quickly in bed, he was covered in sweat and his heart was pounding at a frightening rate. Carefully getting up, so that he would not wake Ayuma, he slipped of the bed. Looking at the alarm clock he noted that it was 3:24 am. _'Well, doubt I will be getting any sleep now…' _he shakily thought to himself. He had been awakened by a dream of his father, one of the many that had been haunting his sleep for the past few days. He didn't know what to do! He had to find a way to release the emotions he was feeling, but Ayuma was asleep, and no matter how many times she said to wake her when ever he needed something, he just could not find it in himself to actually do it. So instead, he slipped into the bathroom, accidentally leaving the door cracked, and reached into the medicine cabinet, except going for a different spot than normal, he had to switch spots so Ayuma wouldn't take his razor away if she found it. He pulled it out, sat on the ground near the tub and leaned against it. Looking at his arm, full of scabs and scars, he felt disgusted with himself. '_why am I so pathetic!'_ he thought for the millionth time. Slowly, deliberately, he dragged the blade across his skin, closing his eyes and leaning his head back as he cut. He hissed in pain, and pulled the blade away, only to bring it back to his arm. He made a swift diagonal cut on his wrist, watching as the blood pooled, only to flow off and onto the floor. He saw a drop of water land on his arm, followed by another, than another, and they just kept coming. Seconds later he realized they were his tears. They flowed over and mixed with the blood as it flowed down his arm. He raised the blade again, getting ready to desperately bring it down to his arm, but was stopped by a gentle hand. Looking up, he saw his Ayuma kneeling in front of him, her hand holding his other hand from bringing the razor down on his skin. "Yumi-kun" she whispered, pulling him up slowly, and walking him over to the sink. She set the razor blade to the side, then turned on the water to a cool flow and doused a rag in it. She started carefully blotting his arm, cleaning the blood from it. Once she got the blood off and stopped the blood flow mostly, she wrapped it in a clean bandage. She then kneeled down once more and cleaned up the blood while Yumichika stood there watching her, in a daze.

Once back in the room, Yumichika broke down in her arms, crying, sobbing and sniffling until he could no more. "I am sorry I am so weak Ayuma. I-I should be stronger, I should be able to take care of myself and you, not just you taking care of me as I sit here and cry like a baby…" he stammered out. "I need to get over it and live in the now, just, just forget about he past."

"Yumichika, you are not weak, you are troubled and hurting. You should be able to take care of yourself and me, and you do! You don't understand that, you do take care of us! But part of being in a relationship is being able to lean on the other person, to be able to get support from them. I want to take care of you, like you take care of me." she said, brushing the hair out of Yumichika's face. "Ayuma…" Yumichika whispered. "Yes, Yumichika?" she answered, concern showing on her soft face. "Ayuma, let me make love to you. I want to make love to you, to take care of you in every way." he whispered his violet eyes shining as he tilted his head, his tears dried from the love of his Ayuma.


	11. Chapter 11

**Soooooo, yeeeaaah...Havent updated for a looong time cuz of school starting and being sick and babysitting and crap like that, then I act like a jerk and post this wittle bwitty chapter...IAM SORRRRRYYYY! Any ways, I am not the best lemon writer, so, sorry again...please enjoy!**

"Yumichika, a-are you sure? I mean, are you ready for that?" she whispered to him, her silver eyes wide as she gazed at him in the dark, the only lighting they had being the moon through the window of his room. His answer was a serious nod, then he leaned forward, capturing her lips in a searing kiss. "Mmmm!" she moaned as she felt his hot mouth on hers, causing him to smirk inwardly to himself. He ran his hand over her soft body, for the first time ever, being able to feel her curves with his own hands. Slipping his hand under her yukata, he ran his thumb over her nipple, making it pebble in seconds. "Ahhh!" she gasped, feeling a tingling sensation. His lips were fierce on hers. Sucking, nipping, biting and licking. She opened her mouth and instantly, his tongue was in it, probing her wet cavern. He was pleasantly surprised when she tangled her hand in his hair, and pressed his lip harder to hers and she started sucking on his tongue erotically. He growled, and then let out a deep moan. She shivered and felt her panties start to get wet. Grabbing his yukata, she ripped it off and gazed at his body in awe. He was lean, and his muscles were very toned. She found herself gazing at his manhood, and licked her lips slowly. "Hmmm," she hummed contentedly. She squeaked when she felt her clothes sliding off of her, hands sliding over her body as her clothes fell. Yumichika's eyes widened when he saw her body. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen! Leaning down, he took a nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it, pulling back and blowing on it lightly. "Mmmmmm!" she groaned, arching her body into his. "Ha, You like that don't you?" he chuckled, bringing his lips to her other nipple and repeating his actions. "Y-umichi-ka, I-I want you I-in me, NOW!" she hissed out, her eyes flashing as she looked into his. Yumichika was quick to comply. He settled himself at her wet entrance, tracing his tip around in the wetness. "Please, yumi-kun!" Ayuma mewled and whimpered. Slowly, he sheathed himself in her, groaning at her tightness around his member. "Ahhh, FUCK!" he cried out when Ayuma started bucking under him. Quickly, he met her thrusts with harder ones. They both were overcome with pleasure, moaning and grunting. Yumichika could tell she was close, her body was trembling and her walls were tightening around him. He knew he as close too, the feeling of a coil inside his lower body. "YUMICHIKAAA!" she wailed scraping her nails down his back, her walls clamping down on him, causing him to come as well. "FUCK! AYUMA!" he shouted, leaning down and biting her shoulder as he sprayed his hot seed inside her.

After they had settled down, Yumichika pulled her close to him with his arms wrapped around her. "I Love you, Ayuma. Forever and always." he murmured softly into her ear, planting a soft loving kiss on her neck. "Forever and always" she whispered back, then laid her head on his chest and they both drifted off to sleep, both content and feeling their bond stronger than ever.

**So, once again sorry about the shortness of the chapter and its poor quality. Also, I read this tottaly awsome Yumichika x Isane fanfic, and loooooved it, so I think I will be writing one for myself soon! Annnywaaays, please read and review!**


	12. AUTHORS NOTE

**PLEASE READ~**

SOOOO sorry for those who thought this was a chapter and actually wanted to read it. I am wondering, should I continue this story or should I give up on it? The answer is up to all you guys who review. (I kinda want to continue it, but if no one will read it I don't see the point)

**~btalover**


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